School Refusal
What is school refusal?
School refusal is when a youngster does not want to go to school or actually refuses to go to school. It can be very stressing for both the moms, dads and the youngster. Often moms and dads are blamed, as if it is their fault, which makes them feel worse. If your youngster is not wanting to go to school it is usually not your fault, but there are some things you can do that might help.
School refusal can happen at any age, but is likely to be at times of change, such as starting school, or starting high school.
In the long term these kids usually do well. They get back to school and don't have any after effects. The short-term problems are about missing school, work, and not having the chance to enjoy playing with friends. These can happen if it goes on for a long time, as it sometimes does.
Reasons for school refusal
Some reasons for not wanting to go to school are:
It is important to get the youngster back to school because the longer s/he is away the harder it is likely to be. Try to deal with the cause if you can work out what it is from the ideas above.
Some other things you can try, depending on the cause:
If you think your child may be having difficulty with school refusal,
please contact the school social worker right away.
If you would like to save this information it can be downloaded here:
School refusal is when a youngster does not want to go to school or actually refuses to go to school. It can be very stressing for both the moms, dads and the youngster. Often moms and dads are blamed, as if it is their fault, which makes them feel worse. If your youngster is not wanting to go to school it is usually not your fault, but there are some things you can do that might help.
- Kids who don't want to go to school usually:
- Are more likely to be the youngest member of a family
- Don't have any serious behavior problems
- Don't try to hide their wish not to go to school from their moms and dads
- Get upset about going to school and may have stomach aches or headaches, or do not feel well without a physical cause.
- Want to stay at home with moms and dads
School refusal can happen at any age, but is likely to be at times of change, such as starting school, or starting high school.
In the long term these kids usually do well. They get back to school and don't have any after effects. The short-term problems are about missing school, work, and not having the chance to enjoy playing with friends. These can happen if it goes on for a long time, as it sometimes does.
Reasons for school refusal
Some reasons for not wanting to go to school are:
- Fear of losing a parent. The youngster may think something bad will happen to the parent. This could be due to a parent being ill (sometimes even after the parents gets better), marriage problems and fighting, moms and dads separating, knowing another youngster who has lost a parent or whose family is broken up.
- Fear that a parent might leave while the youngster is at school.
- Jealousy if there is a younger brother or sister at home - the youngster may think that mother is doing all sorts of good things with the younger sibling while she is at school.
- Moving houses in the early primary years when the youngster does not fully understand distance and space, and feels she has lost contact with her home.
- Moms and dads being unreliable about when they pick up after school. Some moms and dads are very late picking up their kids and the kids feel they have been forgotten.
- Moms and dads' worries. If parents show they are worried about the school refusal, the youngster is more likely to believe there is something to really be worried about.
- Problems at school which could be: being bullied, not having friends, not understanding where things are - feeling lost at school, learning problems, not getting along with a teacher.
- Separation anxiety (being afraid to be away from moms and dads). This may be because some time int he past there has been an unhappy separation such as the youngster or parent being in the hospital.
It is important to get the youngster back to school because the longer s/he is away the harder it is likely to be. Try to deal with the cause if you can work out what it is from the ideas above.
Some other things you can try, depending on the cause:
- Let him know that you can understand how he feels. For example say, "That feels really scary to you". Don't make fun of his feelings and don't tell him that big boys aren't scared - everyone is afraid sometimes. If you are not understanding, your child will find it easier to tell you when he is worried.
- Listen to your child and encourage him to tell you about his feelings and fears.
- Try not to let him see that you are worried.
- You need to believe that your child will get over the problem and let him know that you believe in him.
- Check with the teacher to find out what is happening at school. It is important that you develop a good relationship with your child's teacher and that your child knows this. You and the teacher are the most important adults in your child's life while he is in school.
- Be reliable and on time when picking up after school. Have a plan for times when you might be unavoidably late.
- Give your child as much control over the problem as you can. Ask him what he thinks will help and then try that.
- Let your child know that you will be doing something boring at home while he is at school.
- Let your child take something of yours in his pocket to mind during the day. It need not be something valuable, but needs to be something the child knows is yours and that you would not want to lose.
- Make sure your child knows that you will always come back. Tell him over and over again if you need to.
- Sometimes it is helpful if the youngster says good-bye to you at home and a friend's parent takes her to school.
- Sometimes mom and dads can volunteer to help in the library or elsewhere in the school so the child knows you are near until she feels safe.
- Spending time with a teacher, that the child knows well, at the start of the day sometimes helps. It will give her something to take his mind off his worries and help him to settle in.
If you think your child may be having difficulty with school refusal,
please contact the school social worker right away.
If you would like to save this information it can be downloaded here:
school_refusal.docx | |
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